Thursday, March 17, 2011

And the tears come...

Before I start this post, I want to quickly thank everyone who posted on my comp pics! One lady was given a pro-card (it wasn't me) but I was very happy with my condition and will be hitting the stage again this weekend.... more on all this later when my comps are all done, I just want to share other things today....

I posted about 'Going my own way'. Well, back on this topic. Wednesday morning I put my I-pod on and on my run, I ran past the venue of my dads wake (or Celebration of Life) as we called it. With the song playing I was overwhelmed and in the dark sobbed like a baby unable to see where I was stepping. I wont say sobbed, I howled. I have been feeling very vulnerable this week (as we all do sometimes) and remembering driving into the venue with my dads ashes on the seat next to me, which I had brought almost 3000 miles all the way from Singapore, combined with a song that reminded me of him and we used to sign off with at his Celebration, brough the raw emotion I thought I had lost back. I recalled speaking in front of a couple hundred people at the Celebration, what I had to say about him, being in Singapore, finding him in bed, seeing him go into the infernery, being handed his bones (not his ashes) and not knowing what to do. I recalled his laugh, his hug (or more his grip as I fondly remember it as because it was more like a headlock or a tackle around the shoulders) and his smile (which I defientely inherited). And whilst going through a vulnerable week, I try and think what he would tell me.

He will always be my strength and I need him right now. Today I am sourcing it and I will find it.


  1. You know exactly what he would say Sam, just listen and you'll hear.
    Hugs. Xxxxxxxx

  2. Hugs to you Sam :) I think your Dad would be so proud of you!

  3. Tears are good. Your Dad will always be there for you even if not in body. I'll shut up now as I cant speak from experience.


  4. Big hugs Sam. It's hard to put the right words but I understand your pain. Cherish all the special times with your mum xxxx

  5. I wish there were words I could say that would comfort you, but I know there isn't Sam. Just know I am thinking of you though and I feel your pain in every word you typed. Let the tears flow, it's necessary and a natural part of the grieving process. Big hugs. xxx